YOU SAID YES.

NOW YOU'RE PISSED THEY believed you.

A 12-week private coaching program for knowing what you want, saying it clearly, and staying connected to yourself when things get uncomfortable.


12-WEEK PRIVATE PROGRAM · ONE TO ONE · ONLINE
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See what the 12 weeks look like ↓

some of this might be you…

✓  Someone asks what you want and suddenly you have absolutely no idea.
✓  You say yes, then spend the next three days resenting everyone involved.
✓  ..Or you don't say anything at all. You just shutdown, distance yourself, and decide you're done.
✓  You call it a boundary, and really it's a way of never having the conversation.

✓  Someone takes hours to text you back and you've already written the entire story in your head.
✓  Someone offers to help and “I've got it” is already out of your mouth before you've even checked whether that's true.
✓  You finally say the thing you've been holding in for months and it comes out as a fucking explosion. Then you feel awful about how you said it and forget that there was something you actually needed to say.

You know exactly what you don't want.

what you do you want?

..crickets.

And the really annoying part?

You can probably explain why you do all of it.

You know your attachment style. You can give a very articulate TED Talk on your own patterns.

And you still do the thing.

I know. I've done most of them from the inside.

WHAT'S goin’ on

A lot of the time we're not deciding based on what we want. We're deciding based on what we think is going to happen if we say it. They'll be disappointed. They'll think I'm needy. They'll leave. It's just easier if I handle it.

And half the time none of that has even happened. We're responding to a whole imaginary fucking conversation.

Over time, those assumptions turn into rules. We tell ourselves that we shouldn't need anyone, that we shouldn't be difficult, that we should figure it out ourselves, and that we shouldn't ask for too much.

And because you've followed them for so long, they don't feel like rules. They just feel like reality.

Usually they started somewhere early, when needing people didn't go well. So you got very good at not needing them, and honestly, it worked. It probably built your whole life.

I became incredibly good at surviving life. I just didn't realize how much of that survival strategy was coming with me into love. And into my friendships, my family, and pretty much every experience I got myself into.

Understanding all of this is useful. It just doesn't stop your stomach dropping when you go to hit send. If you want to respond differently in the moments that matter, you need somewhere to practice something new while the old thing is actually happening. That's what this is.

Okay, but what’s it like to work with you?

You know that one friend who’s like, “Whose car we gonna take?” while simultaneously calling you out on your bullsh*t, teaching you how to communicate, helping you figure out what the hell you want and then holding you accountable AF for saying it?

Yeah. Basically that.

Okay, fun but how?

You bring me something real from your week, and we work with it until you can respond to it differently.

It’s never hypothetical. It’s the actual text, the actual argument, the actual yes you didn’t mean, or the actual silence.

  • You might say, “I need to send this and I don’t know how to say it.” Or, “I said yes when I meant no.” Or, “Every time they get close, I want to leave.”

    We start there.

  • I’m not going to ask you why you did it. You probably already know why.

    Instead, we look at what actually happens in your body. Where do you feel it? What kind of tight is that tight? What happens when you imagine hitting send?

  • Usually, there’s an old rule about what happens when you need something, say no, get it wrong, or let someone see that you care.

    Knowing that is useful. But we don’t stop at understanding it.

  • We slow down and imagine saying it now, as the adult you are.

    Then we notice what happens.

    Sometimes your body expects something much worse than what is actually happening in the room. And sometimes we discover that the fear is telling you something important.

    Either way, we work with what is actually there.

  • I might play your partner, your mom, your friend, or your boss.

    You say the thing. We slow it down. We change the words. You try it again.

    You get to practice asking for what you want, saying no, setting a boundary, telling someone you’re hurt, or asking for help without immediately abandoning yourself when it gets uncomfortable.

  • You send the text. You have the conversation. Then we work with whatever actually happened, including when it goes badly. Honestly, the most important part is to do it badly, feel awful, and find out you're still standing.

Every time you say what you want and you're still standing afterwards, your body gets a bit more evidence that you're on its side. You start to experience yourself as someone who listens to what you need and acts on it. That's what self-trust is, and it builds like a muscle.

WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE IRL

  • You ask for what you need and don't take it back.

  • Someone helps and you let them.

  • Conflict happens and you stay long enough to repair it.

  • You notice yourself pulling away, and you get to choose.

  • Someone sees you properly, and you don't have to leave.

  • You become less dependent on independence.

see how'd we work together

GRAB the free guide

HOW TO INTERRUPT A SHAME SPIRAL

Five things that work when you're in it, and why thinking your way out doesn't.

PRIVATE PROGRAM

ONE-ON-ONE

3 months

For the woman whose life looks impressive from the outside and feels unreachable from the inside.

Here is what I want you to know about the work.

At some point, you will probably want to pull away. You might get busy, go quiet, question the work, or find a reason to create some distance.

I am not going to punish you for that or disappear when you do.

Because part of this work is experiencing what it is like to stay connected when things feel uncomfortable, instead of having to handle everything on your own.

That is something you cannot learn from a workshop. It happens through relationship, over time.

see the full program

I’m not pointing you toward a path I haven’t walked myself.

I made a million dollars in one year and expanded to a team of five.

Before that I opened a restaurant in Portugal without speaking Portuguese, worked in textiles, consulted for pharmaceutical cannabis, co-founded a healthcare startup, moved countries, learned a language, and raised two daughters.

I was very good at making things happen. I was also the most confident person in every room and empty inside it.

Then on a random Tuesday in December, someone asked me what I deeply yearned for. Without hesitation I said, a deep and loving relationship.

And that is when it hit me. I had been with a wonderful, kind man for twelve years and I had never once believed he would stay. I did not believe he actually loved me. I was convinced I was replaceable.

I had been trying to go home my whole life. I was seven when it happened. When I knew no one was coming to save me. When I built an armor of steel around my heart.

The memory was locked away for decades where I could not reach it, and my body always knew. It came out as perfectionism. As the drive to rescue everyone around me. As every way I left myself. The shame was pushed down so far that I never experienced it as shame. I experienced it as ambition, and I was rewarded for it for thirty years.

He was supposed to protect me.

What I decided at seven ran everything after it. Do it yourself. Never be that open again. It built my entire life.

My marriage ended while I was doing this work and I blamed myself for a long time. I could not explain why I did not feel like fighting for it in the ways he wanted me to. Underneath it was the flattest thought I have ever had. Of course this happened. I always knew it would.

Everything I ask of you, I’ve done myself first.

That is the part of my story I want to tell you about.

more about me


ASIS BOARD CERTIFIED SOMATIC INTIMACY COACH & SEXOLOGIST ACSB BOARD CERTIFIED Sexological Bodyworker
TRAUMA INFORMED
Scar Tissue Remediation Practitioner
Wheel of Consent INFORMED

50k+ readers & followers

client results

  • "FROM THE OUTSIDE, MY LIFE LOOKED EXACTLY HOW I WANTED IT TO LOOK...

    What I couldn't admit was that I wasn't really inside of it. That has changed. I feel more present in my relationships, my body, my work, and my day-to-day life. That is worth more than I can easily put into words.”

  • "VERY FEW INVESTMENTS HAVE CREATED THE KIND OF RIPPLE EFFECT THIS WORK HAS...

    and I invest easily in my business, my health and my growth. The improvements showed up in places I wasn't expecting: my relationship, my decision-making, my ability to rest, and my sense of connection to my own life.

  • "This coaching helped me with my addiction to work...

    it had become automatic. What surprised me was discovering how often I reached for it when I felt stressed or vulnerable. It helped me build the capacity to stay present with myself instead of running away. The result has been a much stronger connection to the life I already had.”

  • "Amanda Helped save my marriage

    I was at the brink of giving up. I thought I had tried literally everything. The WoC and Somatic Yes and No were game-changers for me. I wish I would have learned this decades ago.”

in-person

I also work in-person with my hands in Lisbon, offering somatic bodywork, pelvic care, and scar tissue remediation for pain, numbness, and recovery after birth or surgery.

in person, in lisbon

YOU CAN DO IT ALONE. YOU ALWAYS HAVE. BUT DO YOU STILL WANT TO?

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