YOU’VE BUILT THE LIFE.

NOW BUILD THE LOVE.

Somatic coaching for hyper-independent women who want to learn how to let themselves be loved.

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the initiate

Have YOu ever thought this?

"i can’t remember the last moment I enjoyed without the looming THOUGHT of when it might end."

"i truly believe no one will ever be able to handle me."

"does knowing me more lead to loving me less?"

or felt this…

of course i can do it alone, i always do.

i was the "we never had to worry about you kid."

i've felt like a bad person since I was 7 years old.

YOU CAN CHARM YOUR WAY OUT OF ALMOST ANYTHING.
I KNOW THE TRICK.

You might think the problem is the exhaustion. The way rest never actually restores you. The way you can be lying next to someone who loves you and still feel completely alone, already working out when they are going to leave. The way desire, if it shows up at all, feels like one more thing on the list.

Sometimes those are the symptoms. They're rarely the whole story.

You have been called strong, resilient, unshakeable so many times that it stopped being a compliment somewhere along the way, and nobody noticed. Including you. What almost nobody knows is how much you feel. You experience yourself as the most feeling person in every room you walk into and you have never once said so out loud.

You lie awake planning tomorrow before it happens so nothing can catch you off guard. You notice the slightest shift in someone's tone before they know their tone shifted. You said "I'm fine" three times this week when you weren't. And underneath it is the arithmetic you have never told anyone: that you are loved because you are useful, and that if you stopped being useful you would find out how fast that ends.

Then there is the part that actually frightens you. How quickly you can go. How completely. You can love someone and stop speaking to them, and the door closes so so decisively it scares you.

You want someone to reach all the way in. You have spent your whole life making sure nobody could.

what’s happening

At some point, you learned that relying on yourself was safer than relying on anyone else.

Maybe needing people came with disappointment, rejection, or consequences. So you got very good at handling things yourself.

And it worked. It helped you build a successful life. You became someone who can handle almost anything.

But the same thing that made you so independent can make intimacy hard.

When someone gets close, you might start managing, anticipating, taking over, or telling yourself you don’t really need anything from them. And this is because relying on someone can still feel like a risk.

You can want to be deeply loved and still struggle to let someone love you.

Someone offers to help and you say, “I appreciate it, but I’ve got it.” And you mean it. But sometimes there’s something underneath that response, a tightening, a pulling back, an instinct to handle it yourself before you’ve even decided whether or not you want to.

A lot of the women I work with would meet the description of complex trauma. You don’t need a diagnosis to be here.

You just need somewhere you can begin to experience something different.

WHY UNDERSTANDING IT HASN'T CHANGED IT

You probably already understand your patterns.

I did too. I spent 540 hours in therapy over six years. I could explain exactly why I did what I did, but when someone asked me what I wanted, I still couldn't answer. Understanding yourself is not the same as being able to do something differently in the moment. What changes things is having a different experience, repeatedly, while someone helps you stay present through it.

HOW THis WORK CHANGes it

We start by learning to notice what happens in your body when you want something, need something, or feel yourself pulling away.

Then we work with those moments somatically as they’re happening, instead of only talking about them afterward.

And finally, we bring that into your real life. Because the goal isn’t to feel different for an hour. It’s to relate, communicate, receive, and make decisions differently when it actually matters.

I’m not going to talk you into trusting someone. We work with what’s happening in your body until you can actually feel what’s safe for yourself before your mind has to figure it all out.

WHAT STARTS TO SHIFT

THE WORK IS NOT THE SESSION. IT'S WHO YOU GET TO BE AFTER.

You stop bringing the strategies that built your success into the parts of life that can't be mastered.

You do not become less independent. You become less dependent on independence.

You can ask for what you need without immediately taking it back. You can let someone help without feeling like you have lost control. You can stay when someone gets close instead of automatically pulling away.

You can be capable and still let yourself be cared for.

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Your Partner Has Been Trying to Tell You Something

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COACHING PROGRAM

The Initiate

6 months - one-on-one

For the woman whose life looks impressive from the outside and feels unreachable from the inside.

Here is what I want you to know about the work.

At some point, you will probably want to pull away. You might get busy, go quiet, question the work, or find a reason to create some distance.

I am not going to punish you for that or disappear when you do.

Because part of this work is experiencing what it is like to stay connected when things feel uncomfortable, instead of having to handle everything on your own.

That is something you cannot learn from a workshop. It happens through relationship, over time.

see the full program

I’m not pointing you toward a path I haven’t walked myself.

I made a million dollars in one year and expanded to a team of five.

Before that I opened a restaurant in Portugal without speaking Portuguese, worked in textiles, consulted for pharmaceutical cannabis, co-founded a healthcare startup, moved countries, learned a language, and raised two daughters.

I was very good at making things happen. I was also the most confident person in every room and empty inside it.

Then on a random Tuesday in December, someone asked me what I deeply yearned for. Without hesitation I said, a deep and loving relationship.

And that is when it hit me. I had been with a wonderful, kind man for twelve years and I had never once believed he would stay. I did not believe he actually loved me. I was convinced I was replaceable.

I had been trying to go home my whole life. I was seven when it happened. When I knew no one was coming to save me. When I built an armor of steel around my heart.

The memory was locked away for decades where I could not reach it, and my body always knew. It came out as perfectionism. As the drive to rescue everyone around me. As every way I left myself. The shame was pushed down so far that I never experienced it as shame. I experienced it as ambition, and I was rewarded for it for thirty years.

He was supposed to protect me.

What I decided at seven ran everything after it. Do it yourself. Never be that open again. It built my entire life.

My marriage ended while I was doing this work and I blamed myself for a long time. I could not explain why I did not feel like fighting for it in the ways he wanted me to. Underneath it was the flattest thought I have ever had. Of course this happened. I always knew it would.

Everything I ask of you, I’ve done myself first.

That is the part of my story I want to tell you about.

more about me

ASIS BOARD CERTIFIED SOMATIC INTIMACY COACH & SEXOLOGIST • ACSB BOARD CERTIFIED Sexological Bodyworker • Scar Tissue Remediation Practitioner •
Wheel of Consent INFORMED

50k+ readers & followers

client results

"FROM THE OUTSIDE, MY LIFE LOOKED EXACTLY HOW I WANTED IT TO LOOK...

What I couldn't admit was that I wasn't really inside of it. That has changed. I feel more present in my relationships, my body, my work, and my day-to-day life. That is worth more than I can easily put into words.”
"VERY FEW INVESTMENTS HAVE CREATED THE KIND OF RIPPLE EFFECT THIS WORK HAS...

and I invest easily in my business, my health and my growth. The improvements showed up in places I wasn't expecting: my relationship, my decision-making, my ability to rest, and my sense of connection to my own life.
"This coaching helped me with my addiction to work...

it had become automatic. What surprised me was discovering how often I reached for it when I felt stressed or vulnerable. It helped me build the capacity to stay present with myself instead of running away. The result has been a much stronger connection to the life I already had.”
"Amanda Helped save my marriage

I was at the brink of giving up. I thought I had tried literally everything. The WoC and Somatic Yes and No were game-changers for me. I wish I would have learned this decades ago.”

before you decide

This is not therapy and it is not a replacement for it.

It is not dating advice, and I will not help you change a man's behaviour.

I will not spiritualize what is plain or diminish this to fit a wellness mould.

There are no one‑offs. Patterns built over decades do not move in a session, and I would rather say that than sell you one.

This work does not exist to save your relationship. Some women stay. Some leave. Mine ended.

And I have never once been able to convince anyone to do this work. If you are not ready, you are not ready. That is a real answer and it is allowed to be your answer..

Book now

in-person

I also work in-person with my hands in Lisbon, offering somatic bodywork, pelvic care, and scar tissue remediation for pain, numbness, and recovery after birth or surgery.

in person, in lisbon